


Hold me tight

by Wannabe_Punk



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27828493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wannabe_Punk/pseuds/Wannabe_Punk
Summary: Some cases are bad. And after some cases, even Hotch needs a friend. Someone to hold him and tell him that it's alright.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/David Rossi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Hold me tight

It was one of those cases that got into Hotchner’s head. And it is not like he couldn’t cope with it in theory… but something didn’t work this time. It was just too much. Too loud. Too similar. How the child had been looking at him – the fear and sadness in his eyes – it was almost like looking into a mirror that could show the past.

Hotch shook his head, trying to escape the headspace he was getting in. Trying to focus on something – anything – else. But there was nothing to focus on, so he did what he had to do and with an abrupt motion, he stood up and started pacing through his office. The child’s eyes. He could still see them right in front of him, with all clarity. It was just like he whispered in his ear: “Don’t leave me.” – but it wasn’t the voice of the small boy from his case. It was the voice of a child that he knew just too well. And as he grabbed the bottle of scotch from a drawer in his desk and poured himself a glass, he felt his stomach fill with disgust. He was just like him, just like his father. Not being able to cope and then thinking, alcohol would change anything. And yet he was doing it, did not even consider stopping – but the disgust was still there. And as he took the first sip, the feeling of calmness failed to appear. Instead, Hotchner felt as if he had to throw up.   
Nevertheless, he kept drinking – the alcohol had to kick in at some point. “Just like his father”, screamed a voice in his head again. And his eyes started burning as he sunk into his office chair. Some small voice of consciousness tried to argue against the loud voice of blame, tried to argue that he wasn’t an alcoholic. That he hadn’t had a sip of alcohol in months. That it was just the stress – but it did not work out.

The only thing that could calm him down right now would be Rossi and Hotch was actually considering calling him – his fingertips already hovering above the “call”-button – but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Rossi just had a hard case as well and he deserved some rest. Hotch had sent off the team into their well-deserved weekend and stayed back to do some paperwork – at least so he told them. Hotch knew full well that he would not be able to bring himself to do it, even though a part of him still hoped so.

A soft knocking pulled Hotch out of his thoughts and the shadow behind the door already gave away the intruder. The person didn’t even wait for an answer, he just entered. “You know, you could’ve just called me, Aaron, don’t you?”  
Rossi slowly closed the door before he walked up to the man hunched on the chair. Leaning against the desk in front of him, he glanced at the bottle of scotch. “That bad?”   
There was no need for Hotch to answer, his look, his posture, his whole demeanour said it all. “You really should’ve called me! I mean, I could’ve guessed after this whole thing with the child… but I would have realised it earlier, if you just called!”. And with that, Rossi pushed himself up from the desk, made a step towards Hotchner and looked at him with a stern look. “What do you need?”.   
But today, Hotch was not in any conditionto answer. He just stared into the void with blank eyes, trying to form a sentence. Something along the lines of “love”, “care”, “a friend”, “a hug” or something like that, but no sound left his lips. It was a bad day.  
“Look, Aaron, I know you pretty well. And I am fairly sure what this means, but I don’t want to do anything you don’t want. Especially in that stage of yours, so you’ll have to tell me. Do you want someone to hold you?”  
Now was the time Hotchner should nod or say yes, but he could not bring himself to do any of it. It was as if his body was in some sort of dissociative state and he was not able to get out of it. But he had to get out to tell David what he needed. It took all of his willpower to just move his head enough so that it could be interpreted as a small nod.  
“I’ll take that as a yes except you tell me otherwise. Okay?”.  
This time, nodding was easier.   
“Okay. But as much as I like you, not here, okay? Let’s get home and we’ll find something to get you calm. How does that sound?”. This time, Hotch could even bring himself to give an actual answer. His voice still sounded a little raspy, but a quiet “It sounds good”, escaped his mouth. And with the prospect of David’s arms around him, Hotch got up, not even noticing how David poured the scotch away.

Like a small child, still in a dissociative state, Hotch followed Rossi through the office, to the car – he even let David drive without any protest – and home. In this case, that meant Rossi’s home. The drive was silent but the quiet music, the calm of moving traffic and the presence of David let him regain some of his consciousness. And as they reached David’s house and entered, Aaron was even able to take of his shoes, hang his jacket and get to the coach without any other disruption. Like a child, mocked a small voice in the back of his head.

As he sat down and David settled next to him, all the stress of the day seemed to slowly fade away. And as David pulled Aaron into his arms, it all seemed okay. Just David and him. Finally, he was able to let go of the “strong Hotchner”, the facade he had to keep up all day, and could just fall into the arms of his friend. If only he knew how to thank David for this.   
“You know”, David said, as he pulled Aaron a little closer and started to slowly stroke his back, “you know, it is okay. You do not need to be strong all the time. In fact, I’d be afraid for you, if you were. It is okay to be vulnerable at times. You need to be in order to trust. And what are we without trust?”. With that, David leaned back on the coach, placing Aaron's head on hischest, while wrapping an arm around his waist. Just letting go. 

“It’s just that I sometimes remind myself of my father.” Aarons voice was not much but a whisper and for a moment he thought that David did not hear him. For a moment, there was just breathing and David’s hand stroking through his hair.   
“You are not like your father. Not in the slightest. And you know that, but I also know that you don’t believe yourself. So please trust me – you are not. If you were, you wouldn’t fear to be”. It’s not as if Aaron had not thought of that, it is just different to hear it from someone else.   
“Thank you, David”, he mumbled into his friend’s chest, as he closed his eyes. They both knew that moments like this couldn’t undo the years of abuse that always got to the surface with cases like this. But they also both knew that these moments made it a hell of a lot easier for Aaron to cope. And David enjoyed them too – having a friend this close to just fall asleep with in each other’s arm and holding each other is a great feeling. Especially after cases like this.


End file.
